An Initiation

I find myself going in and out of my mind and body - searching for the familiar, molding my mind to what is required in motherhood, letting go of thought processes pre-natal.

Days are woven, hours are long, time is a construct.

There are moments of overwhelm and moments of stillness.

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions lately as I become a mother to my baby, and a wife to my husband.

It’s been a test of compassion and patience.

It is also opening me up to hold a much bigger space than I’ve held before.

To be malleable than resistant.

To treat each moment as sacred - not just for the little one, but for me as a woman, and us as couple.

Since becoming a mother, it feels like I am being invited to experience a new kind of love. A different dimension to it.

It feels fierce and powerful, sturdy and reliable.

A fiery energy stirring in my gut.

A relentless kind of love.

A relentless love that will continue to hug him while he cries it out.

A relentless love that will stay soft when moments become so difficult you’d want to give up.

A love where I am his world of love and safety when all seems chaotic.

A love that accepts being pushed away, kicked, screamed at, waiting for the storm to calm for him.

A love that gives and gives without a hint of getting anything in return.

OH WHAT A LOVE.

I’ve been reflecting on this energy for a while. Understanding that this is no small thing. That whatever I am learning and receiving from this initiation isn’t just for my son and family, but outside our circle, too.

Am I capable of giving the same intensity of love to others if needed?

A little harder to stomach, but I am taking my time to digest.

It’s something I have been contemplating, so it won’t be the last time I’ll be writing about it.

For now, I am grateful have been chosen to become a vessel for this frequency of invigorating love I am learning to embody.